The Power of Thank You

They’re just two little words. Yet for most women, it is an impossible response to a compliment. Or at least one that isn’t invariably couched in a laundry list of qualifications.

“You look great in that dress.”

“This? I’ve had it forever.”

“It looks beautiful on you.”

“I’d feel better in it if I was ten pounds lighter.”

Who hasn’t been on both sides of that conversation or something like it. This topic recently came up over drinks with my girlfriends, a group I would categorize as strong, confident, and generally comfortable in their own skin. That being said, we all admitted to an autopilot impulse to deny or downplay a compliment when a simple “thank you” would have more than sufficed. So where does this perverse girl code come from? The men I know do not wallow in this form of self-abasement with each other.

I think we would all agree that a little self-deprecation is a charming thing. It tells the world that

we’re humble, aware, and able to laugh at ourselves. But the fact that it is the go-to response

of choice for so many women signifies something larger and leads me to wonder - do women

create bonds and establish intimacy through self-criticism? Do we discount ourselves in order

to be an acceptable and non-threatening member of the girl gang?

Of all the soft and safe places in my life, I count my female friendships among the softest, so it

is strange that this is the arena where I often choose to meet support and encouragement with

denial and negativity. Perhaps it is leftover conditioning from bygone – or not so bygone –

times when women were expected to be demure and largely invisible. A time when being

confident and bold were thought to be unfeminine. I realize I have posed a number of

questions here and provided scant little in way of explanation, but I do believe that for most

behaviors needing change the first step is acknowledgement. So here you have it – my PSA to

all of womanhood. You DO look great in that outfit. Believe it, own it, and for god’s sake just say

“thank you.”